deeper things…

First, thank you Lord for the perspective I needed after my little green rant the other day…more on that later though because I have bigger things in the think tank today…

Being raised in what would be defined as a Christian home I was no stranger to church, Bible stories, morality, etc. However it wasn’t until I was mid-way through  my first year at UNM that I began to understand my depravity apart from Christ…this after accumulating quite the collection of bumps, bruises, scrapes, and scars for a handful of years…

The time in between me seeing the truth of who I am in light of who God is and today was, for nearly 3 years, a time of being restored…hidden in His wings…sung over by His love…and then a new dynamic of His character began to be revealed to me…it’s one I’m still wrestling with and quite a bit more lately because there have been so many opportunities for it to be witnessed from the outside…

Kay Arthur wrote an amazing book I blogged about a few months back called “As Silver Refined”…to spare the hunt through blogs past the book in a nutshell examines the desire God has to refine each of us who are His own. Just as a silversmith labors over the flames, so my Lord sits patiently over the fire with me…intent on removing the dross that exists in my life due to the fall, decisions to walk in the flesh…initially seeing this attribute of the Lord who had so loved and restored me left me in awe because I was incredibly touched by His patience and persistance to purify my heart, that He might see only Himself in me. Lately it’s left me in a place of humble fear with the realization that there is a great deal I wish to hold onto in this life and that I have counted myself to be a greater character in the story He’s been writing since the beginning of time…I’ve got my order off…He is God, not I. His will be done, not mine.

I’ve been made aware of this as I’ve watched from a far a precious family walk faithfully with the Lord through the loss of their precious baby girl, a family we love from church lose mama so suddenly…these experiences came through fingers of love…the Almighty God’s fingers of love…they were allowed, permitted, willed for a purpose that is beyond my ability to comprehend but not His. And in my ignorance I suppose it never occurred to me the pain that fire can cause…though it be for a purpose it is painful…I’m sure I’ve winced at the pain a time or two and thus missed the attempts He has made…

Seeing God for all of who He is…not merely His love, His grace, or even His just nature, but His character in its entirety…has left me trembling…and not of the sort that is surrendered, yet, I pray. But the sort that is lacking trust and true submission to whatever manner He might will to refine me…my husband…my children…

And so I see my the depravity of my flesh to be more than I knew it to be…and I pray it will be replaced with more of Him…may His word wash me and make me clean where the filthy rags of this world that I’ve held onto have left a terrible residue…because at the end I truly do desire more of Him and less of me…at the end I truly do desire to be only a reflection of the Makers face, not a lump of silver that’s tossed aside for lack of willingness to trade my dross for His perfect plan…I truly desire that my perspective be as it should…He is God…I am a clay pot…cracked and chipped…


I love this song…and it reminds me again and again of the truth my Lord is writing onto my heart…

How deep the Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

May I not quickly forget that He is the author…pefector…finisher.


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